If only I could meet the maker.

Sorry I've not blogged in a little while, it has been hectic and working is exhausting, but that's not to say I don't love it.
What I am reminded of every day here is that nothing is as it seems. Here the children will wait on highways begging for money every time the traffic lights turn red, pleading for money for their sick little brother and then you will see their parents waiting for them a little way down the road collecting the money from them. The biggest smack in the face that I have experienced apart from the poverty is one about faith. I am not a believer in God, I am a humanitarian through and through. This is not to say I believe in nothing; I believe that the soul is like a battery, an energy, and it is science that tells us energy cannot be killed, just changed into something else. When we die, our energy gets recycled into the universe and it becomes part of the bigger picture. I believe that we choose whether we want to be good or bad people and if you are a good person your energy will do good and your soul taken care of. I have struggled with Christianity for many reasons, which I am not going to go into, but over here I thought I had found a different kind of Christianity. Faith is celebrated here; it is something that is free and brings joy to so many, and I have the utmost respect for it because of that.
A few days ago however, after we had all sung gospel songs with the children, which I love to do because you see them all laughing and forgetting themselves for a while. After the songs, our project leader gave a speech, most of which was in Afrikaans but then changed into English. He said that he hoped "the volunteers could find God and that we must all give thanks that they have come to help us in the name of Jesus." This speech left us feeling slighly uncomfortable as none of us came in the name of Jesus. When we had a minute I said this to him and tried to explain how I felt. I came to this project in anyone else's name but mine, I wanted the children to know that there are good people all over the world, and I wanted to try to be a good person. He asked me if I thought I was a good person. I struggled with this, I said, yes, I try to be a good person everyday, and the fact I keep on trying, even though sometimes it's hard, will make me a good person. He told me the bible says there is not one good person. I refuse to accept this but keep it to myself, not wishing to offend his beliefs. He asks me what my experience is with Christianity, I tell him, and I also tell him that I was told once by my favourite teacher that I could try to live the best life I could but if I did not believe, I would go to hell when I died. I told him that I refused to believe in something that used fear and threats to convert people. He laughed a little in a sad but knowing way and said that he felt sorry for me that I wouldn't find inner peace and that it wasn't a threat, but the truth.
I was struggling not to cry at that moment, made my excuses and left. This was a man whom I had thought was the first good christian I had ever met, one that could laugh and accept people and be a role model for anyone that met him. I felt so disappointed and upset; how does one human being have the right to tell another how they should live? I did not come on some kind of crusade, so why should I feel like I have been punished for how I do or don't feel? I had a realisation that although Christians accept a person of any colour, personality or disability, but they will discriminate against those who do not believe in the same way as they do.
On another matter, the children are blossoming beautifully, getting used to us and using their manners without having to be reminded, which always makes me happy. The amount of children in class every day changes though, so it is hard to prepare for a certain amount of kids and then you find that you've got two more and their English is either very good or very bad. In their work as well, they are all at opposite ends of the spectrum. This last week we are taking them on an excursion to the beach, where we will have a briaar and a celebration of mine and Marlies' (fellow volunteer) birthdays, which coincidentally fall on the same day this month.
I have unfortunately caught a nasty cold from one of the kids, and have had to prescribe myself some bedrest, but hopefully tomorrow I shall feel a whole lot better.